DONE DID IT

Yeah, I did.

It was quiet, it was simple. It was surprisingly quick. I couldn't be Happier. I got my Mrs. A little faster than we thought, but in light of some recent events, we didn't really have the luxury or desire to wait around.

Actually marrying him meant he needed to change his status in the US. I made the offer to sponsor him, NOT the other way around. Of course that's because us Americans are taught all our lives how open and accepting we are of immigrants and so I figured the process would be easy.

W-R-O-N-G!!!!!!!!!

This Blog may well become a Chronicle of my "Adventures in Immigration".

Let's explain the process, as best I have it now. And watch it change over the next year or so?

The Hub is entitled to certain benefits being married to a United States Citizen. Among those (Other than his own USAA Account) is an automatic permanent resident status or "Green Card." This green card is conditional upon his marriage to me and upon our remaining married for the next two years. After those Two Years, I will have to apply again to have the conditional status removed. The form you fill out to start this process is called an I-130.

I now firmly believe that the Department of Homeland Security has turned to Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy for their training manual. I really should build a little flow chart for folks so they can see how all these departments connect..but..they don't actually connect, they don't even talk to each other. But I have been told NUMEROUS times that USCIS (Snazzy Anagram for United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) is a subdepartment of DHS (Department of Homeland Security) and has within it, not only the USCIS, but Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), and the Executive Office for Immigration Review (EOIR). Not to mention the TSA (Who I know have a proper name, but for whom I have a very nasty name in light of my last random security check). So let me cover this again....

HOMELAND SECURITY is the office that processes and handles the paperwork associated with a change in status from temporary to permanent resident. The same people who make us take off our shoes at the airport, who have determined that I am going to hijack a 747 with a bottle of Prell, who have color coded each and every day of my life since 9/11....this INCREDIBLY useful, efficient model of Governmental science is going to Usefully and Efficiently document and uphold my rights, and the rights of my husband?

Should I really be surprised that this process can take up to a year? Some instant visa, huh?

So. Yes, Homeland Security uses Hitchiker's as their procedural guidebook. Asking why? Vogons. Yup. I now understand, deeply, inimately, what a Vogon is. They are in USCIS, and if you don't have the right color sheet of paper...you are officially and governmentally Screwed.

By the way.. this I-130? Is just my application to sponsor his change of status. Costs $350.00 to file. Does that make him a Permanent resident? NO.

He has to file, simultaneously, an I-485 Request for change of Status. This is the whopper. Essentially it's this form, his marriage certificate (he has to prove he married me, I don't.), an I-693 that says he's not crazy, not bringing in any STDs or Tuberculosis, and a serious of forms that says he's married a sugar momma who can take care of him and keep him off the welfare system for ten years. Oh and something called Biometrics, which is used for his Background check to make sure he's not a criminal on the lam. This has a WHOLE Separate set of fees attached to it that totals out close to $1100... just in fees. The Dr's appointment for the TB test and STd Tests? $400. So. we're hovering at around $2,000.00 just getting paperwork together to go into the system.

And you wonder why Mexicans just jump the fence and come on over? As Illegals, they find work just fine, get paid in cash so no taxes, and have an easier time getting on the welfare system than a legally placed permanent resident.

Trust me. Homeland Security does NOTHING to protect the Immigrant-phobes of the Nation. And they never will. Not until we figure out the right form on the right color sheet of paper.