Say what???

And they say that Southerners are racist pigs....


Critics Ignored Record of a Muslim Principal
A quote from the article:

“I hope it burns to the ground just like the towers did with all the students inside including school officials as well,” wrote an unidentified blogger on the Web site Modern Tribalist, a hub of anti-immigrant sentiment. A contributor identified as Dave responded, “Now Muslims will be able to learn how to become terrorists without leaving New York City.”

Oh. My. Dear. Sweet. Lord.

Why I'm a Multi-Culti Junkie

My father tells me, when I get married next (he's hanging on to the hope of grandchildren), I should marry someone with as much in common with me as possible. His image of that is a Nice well-to-do Southern man with a little more education than is good for him who likes to hunt, fish and play golf. Which, technically is more in common with my dad than with me...but who am I to argue? I'm a miserable golfer.

I point out that he and his wife have little in common. He's travelled, she hasn't. He loves tromping around in the woods, she'd rather stick pins in her eyes. He likes beer, motorcycles, guns, boats, the beach. She hates those things. So what's so comon between them? Their background, he tells me. They were raised in similar situations. Rural, not that wealthy. They climbed trees and got chigger bites picking blackberries as kids. They came from church-going southern protestant families. So this is the groundwork of commonality he means.

Okay so I need to find someone who was raised like me. Oh dear. Someone who saw more of the world before they could do long division than most people see their whole lives. Someone who was raised with absolutely no sense of racial division (Thanks Mom, Steve, Willie and Debra!). Need a man who's education is a mishmosh between the elite ivy league and the barely literate. Yeah...like that's going to happen.

So I'm apparently a hard fit if I try to match up background-wise. But my formative years were spent in non-American cultures. So I love other cultures. Not just to read about. But to eat like and dress like. I have a Kimono Collection. I know how to make at least four different dishes using Bacalhau. I like the Shisha (sometimes). I can say "Hello" "How are you?" "Please" and "Thank you" in seven different languages. If I ever had a dream job, it would be as a Travel writer.

So when it comes to a life partner, I think I need someone from another culture. I need someone who I can learn from, who challenges my brain and sensibilities. Someone who I can take care of in terms of protecting them from boorish insensitive Americans. Someone who likes to travel.

The Portuguese guy in Canada seemed a good fit. His family was basically mine, if we lived in Portugal. His parents were both remarried after an icky divorce. But he was, I think, more happy being sad than I could cope with. Portuguese people has a beautful sad nostalgia to them that makes great food, music and poetry. But being depressed all the time is bad for me.

So now we have the fella. He's Egyptian. But he's cheerful, pleasant and calm. Calm I need. I can be a ball of rumbling chaos sometimes. He's polite, which I LOVE. But where the Portuguese guy had at least been raised Catholic and his father was a C&E Catholic; the fella is Muslim. Strangely I find that a benefit. It gives me something new to learn about. And I am a rapid absorbing sponge when given something to latch onto and learn. He practices his faith. He prays and fasts and is kind and charitable. But he's not scary at all. By the way, I don't mean that Islam is scary, I mean that any religion that consumes the mind beyond intellect or reason is scary to me. Fundamental Christians scare the bejeezus out of me. He approaches his faith with a sense of practicality and logic I admire. "There is no compulsion in religion," he says, "And your religion should be simple. It's not a hardship. It's a part of your life, one of the best parts." he's told me. I like that thought. If all of Islam were like him, I would have converted in a heartbeat.

So here, I have to point out that I can't follow my dad's advised. Children are not raised like me. I can hear the "Army brats are raised like that!" and I can only say, yeah, but I haven't met one who clicks with me. Most I have met (And living near two AF Bases, I have met more than my share) resent the travelling and moving. If they have lived abroad, they resent coming back to America.

Besides, I need the exotic in my life. An Army Brat, god bless and love them and their families, only carries a shadow of that, and I like living my life in technicolor.

Just needed to be said

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

Monkeytoes

I dunno. I couldn't think of a title for my post.

So I think I'm basically working out someone's two weeks for my job. Not too surprising. I hate these kind of things. When you interview, you look your best, you seem competent and you can talk about how competent you are. When you're working the job...well, you don't always look perfect.

I'm not sure what to do with this information. I mean basically I hope my boss is happy with his choice, since that's the most important thing, and I suppose, despite the nausea, that it's good that I have some advance notice so that I can get rolling on getting another job lined up.

Sucks because I liked this one. I guess privately I hope that she'll crack. The boss is a tough nut and can be rather difficult at times. But I understand where the difficulty comes from, and so I don't sweat it. I know it isn't personal, even when it seems like it is.

I'll miss the people I work with. I like them an awful lot.

Guess I'll go ahead and get the filing caught up.

Not sure where things are going or what I'll be doing. But I'll keep folks updated. I'll admit to being more than a little scared.

I hate this feeling

I'm kind of on pins and needles. There are some big career type decisions forthcoming, And I'm not really making them. So I have that rolling feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me crave coffee and dodge food. I'll have it until I know for sure what's going on.

Makes me wonder sometimes if I would be happier with my life if I didn't know the things I know. If I just kind of drifted along... Not really..because it's the not knowing that drives me batty.

So I get a phone call last night from the nice folks at Islamicity.com. Having requested a Qu'ran from them (I am apparently collecting different translations), they like to follow up with a phone to see if you will say your Shahadah over the phone. On some level I appreciate the work they do, I know they're trying to make Islam accessible and understandable for people. On another level, if I ever do take the Shahada, I don't think I'll do it over the phone. Conversion or, according to Ahmed of Islamicity, reversion, seems like, I don't know, maybe something that should at least be done in person, if not with some degree of ritual. Maybe that's my Catholic ritualistic sensibilities talking.

So Ahmed calls, interrupting my dinner of re-heated pizza and Mythbusters, and we end up on the phone for hours. I know they give these nice people scripts, and I get some sort of private thrill out of making them break out of their script. I mean seriously, if you want to talk about something as personal as religion with me, I need to know who you are. Ahmed is from Sudan, attended UAB for his MBA and lives in LA now where he can't find a decent apartment for a decent price and misses the lower cost of living in Alabama, but woud not give up the larger community he is a part of now.

See? That's what I do. I make it personal. I love learning about people and talking to them and sharing a little bit of life and connecting. I do it at work, and the people who call my boss frequently know me by name, and I know their wives, families, the things that are going on in their lives, and I keep it all straight. I know who has grandchildren and who has children getting married and who is stressed out by work and whose kids are driving them crazy. I know these things because I ask, politely always, but people do like to talk a little and know that someone is genuinely interested in them. And I am. They call it being personable.

So Ahmed decides last night that even though I didn't take the Shahadah over the phone, in his eyes, I am "Unofficially Muslim." And he said my Arabic, while limited, is beautiful. I don't know how the fella feels about this yet, he's been a little reserved on the topic. Mostly because I know he's trying to let me find my own way. Sometimes because I think my questions are getting too hard for him now.

Want to go to Roly Poly? aka Should I fast?

The fella apparently got Roly Poly on the brain for lunch today, that's where we ended up going. I really do enjoy spending time with him. He's fun to talk to, likes to laugh and play a bit, which is something I really need when the office starts wearing on me.

Still cracks me up when he uses his American name, though. He does it because some people, especially in the deep south, have a hard time pronouncing his name, or his name starts up conversation that he would sometimes rather avoid. He just doesn't picture well in my mind as anything other than what he is.

I ordered him a present for Ramadan. Since they can be difficult to get here, I found a place online where I could order a miswak..which is a kind of natural toothbrush stick thing. Since most practicing Muslims avoid brushing their teeth during daylight hours in order to preserve their fasting state, they need an alternative way to take care of business...hence the Miswak. Mohammed was big on their use, so most people are allowed to use them...especially since they don't require water and rinsing and stuff. I'll own up to being incredibly curious as to how they function and how well they function. Maybe for Eid I'll hook him up with one of those hoses that attaches to the toilet for cleaning.

The ex and I resolved our difference of opinion. We're trying to be very grown up and mature and amicable..but we all slip sometimes.

I'm thinking of joining the fella as he fasts over Ramadan..maybe a sort of test-drive of Islam in a way..maybe more of a misery loves company kind of thing. We'll see. Or, if anyone reads this, what do you think? Should I fast during Ramadan?

If at first you don't succeed....

Repeat yourself until their eyes bleed.

The fella's latest debate tactic is thinning my nerves badly. I called him to see if he wanted to meet up for lunch.

"Habibi, I'm going out to run some errands."

Okay. Now here I would like to blame my American directness for not GUESSING that was a "no" right away. So I ask him if he would like to meet outside of his store, maybe Roly Poly? I get a long, thoughtful pause. He likes Roly Poly...a LOT.

"Habibi, I'm going to run errands."

Right, got that. American people need to hear the word "No" sometimes apparently. I chalk this up to a language breakdown and persist.

"Maybe I'm gonna meet you then I'm gonna be late. I'm going to run some errands."

Literally we just talked circles around each other for more than ten minutes before I just gave up.

I'm feeling like I'm in a mental brick wall anyways today. Work's piling up faster than I can put it out, and lunch? Yeah I had no time for lunch.

Thinking of Pizza for dinner.

One of my more embarassing moments

Recently, I took my fella to a concert along with his brother and one of his best friends. My fella is Egyptian, as are his brother and friend. I'm white. We turned over our tickets and passed through the security checkpoint where I sailed through, but all three of the men with me were pulled aside and searched. I'm still trying to figure out if I am more appalled about what the security personnel did (pretty obviously profiling) or that I didn't have the spine at time to say anything.

I don't think of myself as a racist. But I think I have become accustomed certain privileges my race affords me. I rarely get stopped at security checkpoints. I get warnings instead of speeding tickets. I am accustomed to quick service in restaurants, good seats, being treated well in stores and over the phone. All of these things I take for granted, and I see that more and more when I am with my fella.

I may not be a racist, but am I benefiting from a racist society and thereby promoting it?
So where was my spine this weekend? Why didn't I speak up to the security personnel? Not even a sarcastic "Profile much?" escaped my lips.

I'm still trying to figure that out.

1,001 Questions

Continuing with pulls from my facebook notes, to elaborate on my crisis of faith:

There's a God, for sure. I'm pretty comfortable with that idea. I recently heard it verbalized well by Baba Ali in his "Why Islam" episode of the Reminder series: That just be cause you can't see the architect standing in front of his building, it doesn't mean you think he doesn't exist, or that all the components of the building came together by some cosmic accident.

I think God is perfect, or what we understand to be perfect, loving and compassionate. When we say that we are made in God's image, I don't think that means God has hands and feet (unless He wants them) I think that means that we are free to choose whether we will love him back or not; and whether we will show that love or not. It's the greatest gift we could have been given..the capacity to choose.

We express our love for God through emulating (however weakly) His characteristics. When we show love, kindness and compassion to our fellow man, it's as close to God as we can get. I don't just mean words. It's pretty across the board that no one believes people who say one thing and do another. No one believes that a man who abuses his wife loves her. In that same sense, God's not gonna buy it if we say we love him, but hurt others in our actions. We had to be taught what constituted acts of love against acts of selfishness. Which is what I largely believe the point of Religion to be...the teaching tool for us to learn to express love. Rather, ideally it's the tool for that. People aren't perfect, and never can be. Which is why we screw up so much.

Making that choice to be loving or selfish is difficult. Will I hurt myself to help another? It goes against basic instinct to do so, so why do we consider that an expression of love? Because when we do express love, it's as close to God as we can get, and God's in a pretty cool place.

I'm comfortable with the idea of a judgment. I don't think it'll take a day. But using our concept of time as a marker, there is going to come a point where God sits down with us and helps us to see the choices we have made. He'll be able to look with us through our lives and see which of us loved him, and which of us didn't. And those of us who lived our lives in an attempt to express that love, will get to hang out with God. Those of us that didn't love him, and lived only to fulfill our own selfish needs, will get to accept the consequences of that choice and be removed from God.

I always liked the theory that Hell wasn't sulfur and brimstone and being poked with pitchforks; but that Hell is regret, the absence of God's presence, and his withdrawal. Not out of lack of love, but because of it. Even parents can only be kicked in the teeth so much before they just have to say, "You don't love me, that's okay. It's your choice not to love me. So I'll give you what you want, and won't have anything to do with you anymore."

So having that basis of faith...taking all the scripture out of it, stripping it down to the raw components, I have building blocks for the questions I have.

It's difficult for me to accept the idea of a points system for the afterlife. While I just said that a life lived expressing love with result in an afterlife of closeness with God; doing "good deeds" so to speak just to insure that sort of takes the most important component out of it: Love. Doing good for good's sake, because someone or something needs help and you are able to help them is an expression of love. In my discussion with the fella, I hear a lot of "Well this act counts as 25 of these other acts," or something similar. Catholicism has this too. We call it the Indulgence system. So which is greater? An act done for extra afterlife points, or an act of selflessness?

Separating the culture from the religion is a difficulty across the board. Again, something common to Catholicism and to Islam. But on the books, Islam is a very sexually progressive religion: being among the first to offer women the right to choose their spouse, to hold them equal in the eyes of God, to speak of them with respect, and, as well, to consider their pleasure and needs, while usually different from those of a man, to be equally important in the survivability of a marriage. Islam approaches sex from an angle of communion, a necessary and pleasurable act for both men and women. Christianity, on the books, fails on this point, viewing women as inferior to men, separated from God, the source of sin, and sex is for procreation and no other purpose. So my question would be, how is it that Today's Christian-based cultures typically offer women a more equal footing than the Muslim-based cultures? I know the reasoning behind Christian women not typically being clergy (something that is changing); but why can't Muslim women be Imams? They are, in God's eyes, equal in standing and intelligence. I have seen female Islamic Scholars. So why can they not be Imam?

What is the official Islamic standing on the crucifixion? I have heard that another man was crucified in Christ's place, and I have read Ahmed Deedat's theory that the crucifixion didn't actually kill Christ. So if Jesus got a stand-in, why would God deceive people? Going back to my basic idea that God is perfect, God isn't a deceiver, he doesn't lie. Why would God Lie?

I see, as I read the Qu'ran, a lot of bits that pertain directly to Mohammed, such as the accusations against one of his wives, as well as the squabble between his wives. A perfect recitation would speak in generalities, wouldn't it? I mean certainly there can be examples of Mohammed's life that can be used to teach others, but if that's the case, then certainly that same rule must apply to Jesus and the Gospels, that of course they aren't the perfect recitation of the word of God..but that lessons can be gleaned from the writings of the men who walked with Jesus. Same goes for Moses and Abraham. Why is there such a broad spectrum rejection of the previous scriptures..even to the point of people referring to Jesus as "So Called"? Why, when the Qu'ran is so very clear on it's approach to previous scripture (They must be studied, the people who follow them must be treated with respect), is there such a broad spectrum of disrespect toward them?

While the Shi'ite view toward Jihad, violence (when necessary) and the other Abrahamic faiths is more in line with American Mass Media's perception of Islam, why is it that the Terrorist groups we fear the Most (Al Qaeda) declare themselves Sunni?

Going to Atlanta..my crisis of faith explained, sorta

The following something I posted on my facebook page in my notes. It explains sort of where my head is on this whole crisis of faith thing.

I had to explain my crisis of faith to the Fella last night. I had been trying all day to find the words, and they would get incredibly tangled up. Considering his first language isn't English, my convoluted mumblings and half sentences couldn't have been easy for him.So he comes over for dinner that night, mostly because he knows I was making lamb and rice and okra and tomatoes.

To any Muslims who get all hinky because he's coming to my house, he's been entrusted with my key. I don't have family here anymore and since his family's on the other side of the planet, we watch out for each other. Things are kept above-board.

So he pins me down on my faith issues. I pull out a copy of the Bible (NIV) and the Qu'ran (Abdullah Yusuf Ali's translation) and we st down with it and start picking apart the Islamic approach to Jesus. We find, that the Qu'ran acknowledges the miracles of Jesus..that he healed the sick, raised the dead, and even fed the multitudes (though the stories on the feeding the multitudes are a little different). He is acknowledged as the Messiah, though in Islam Messiah and Son of God do not mean the same thing...

Okay so all of this leads to my understanding my crisis of Faith. I had to explain it to the fella. It came out like this: "Just for metaphor's sake, let's say Heaven is Atlanta. You choose how to get to Atlanta based on where you start. If you live in Montgomery, you take I-85, if you live in Birmingham, you take I-20, and if you live in Chattanooga you take I-75. All three roads will get you to Atlanta in roughly the same amount of time. But let's say you find yourself in Clanton (About halfway between Montgomery and Birmingham). Which way is best? Go to Birmingham and take I-20 or go to Montgomery and Take I-85? Either way will get you to Atlanta as long as you stick to the highway and don't take any exits. The problem I'm having with my Church's response to my questions is that they try to tell me that I-20 doesn't go to Atlanta. But that's not true. I know in my heart that I-20 and I85 both go to Atlanta. I just ned to figure out which is the best route for me. Had I not read the Qu'ran, I-20 would have never entered my mind, I wouldn't know or understand it to any degree for that route to make sense. But the Qu'ran opened up my sort of faith-based Mapquest. And now I have to struggle with the decision of which road is best for me."

So that about sums it up. He seemed to understand it. Maybe you do too. I think it was a big step forward being able to verbalize the sense of directionlessness (if that's even a word) I'm feeling right now. Maybe someday I'll make some progress.

Baseball 4 Newbs

As you can see from previous posts, I took the Fella to a Montgomery Biscuits game Friday evening. We had it posh too. The Corporate Box is right over the dugout, has killer views, and the food rocks. Of course I had one of those "Maybe I shouldn't convert" moments.

For those that don't know, the fella is Muslim. He doesn't drink (Though it's not technically a nono, it's one of those "things better avoided") He doesn't eat pork (that would definitely be a nono)..are we seeing where a baseball stadium diet might get complicated?

As the Non Muslim half of us, especially in a particularly non-Muslim area, I kind of field test, investigate, and otherwise do what I can to protect the fella from undue porcine influences. In light of the corporation being owned by one of the city's most prominent Jewish people of influence; you would think the dinner at the stadium would have been Kosher (which is usually pretty acceptabel for people who eat Halal). That though was part of what convinced the fella to go. He knew there were usually hot dogs involved, and other pork products that make baseball dinner what it is.

We did have a great time. There was plenty of alternatives for the fella to gnosh upon...as well as my penchant for Baileys & Cheesecake, and a potato salad to die for. But yeah, I headed up the eating and gave the fella a heads up as to the contents of food if I knew what was in it.

Did the same Sunday Morning too. I had been having urges for Cracker Barrel. (Sometimes a girl just needs a southern-style breakfast) But breakfast in the South involves pork of some variety of pork 99.9% of the time. I was pretty much ready to relegate him to french toast when, to my surprise, I saw "turkey sausage" on the menu.

Wasn't bad at all. but the point being, as a Christian, and not having dietary restrictions, I sort of enjoy a field testing position for the fella when we go out. My understanding of food also helps me in determining mostly when there might be pork involved in something and when there may not be. If I were to convert, I would lose that status and be just as vulnerable to careless companies who use porcine products to make things that would normally have nothing to do with pork. That and I may not be able to have Bailey's cordials.

I always admired Jesus's satement that "It is not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; it is what comes out of it." Wise words, and things we should remember more often in our lives.

I'm going to take the next couple of posts and cut over some things from my facebook notes so that you can get a better idea of how mucky my faith is getting and why I would even consider conversion in the first place.

By the way. Biscuits lost that game, 11-4. Jacksonville Suns pwned.

Starbucks Knows All

This is for Kelley. Had to share the gift:

http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php

Living up to the great Traidtion of my late of Alabama Stepfather and making my appearance at a Biscuits game on Friday. These would be my Corporate Box tickets that involve air conditioning and free food. Seethe in Envy Mortals!

Okay, In a hurry today, working too hard. Posting something Kelley put me on to. Totally going CD shopping later! Give it a listen!

I can’t remember which Google Search brought up Girls of Riyadh for me, but as soon as I saw it..and that it had been banned in Saudi, well, you know me, I totally HAD TO HAVE IT.

That and it was guaranteed to get a rise out of the Fella. I like piquing his interest, and my tendency to read what he might consider controversial literature seems to interest him.

Girls of Riyadh is written as a series of e-mails to a Yahoo! Groups listing that sends out weekly emails telling the stories of four young Saudi Women and the ups and downs of life, and love. Mostly love, and mostly downs.

It’s a fascinating story. The cultural differences are amazing, and to an American like me, raised liberally, and accustomed to making my own decisions, and not being restricted from seeing and talking to who I want when I want, the story of boys posting signs in their car windows with their phone numbers astounds me still. Or the idea of being arrested for wearing red on Valentine's day. Or Versace Shimaughs (The red and white checkered head covering that Saudi men wear).

Rajja Alsanea is the author, and is certainly still young, but impressive in her translated version of her first novel. It’s been compared to Sex and the City of Saudi; but it’s nowhere near as graphic. And the tragedies are pretty tragic. It’s a quick read, and a smart one.

And it sparked enough interest that the Fella is borrowing it now. I’ll be very interested to see what he thinks of it.

Banned in Saudi. Bound to be interesting. Book review on Monday. Go buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1594201218/ref=nosim/completereview

Wow.. we change so much...

So I found this: http://keeleywoods.livejournal.com/ .

I started it when I was married and we bought our house.

I was so.....different.

It's hard to tell now if I liked who I was then. I don't like who I was now. I mean..if I met me then on the street now, I probably wouldn't like the 27 year old version of me very much. I was a little dull.

I was trying to be dull though. I'm just not that way. I like domestic things too, but not enough to give up my need to travel and see and do and be. Smallville? Holy crap I watched Smallville and found it confusing? Ick ick ick ick.

A funny thing happened at the Halal Market...

I love the Halal market here in Montgomery...called Bismillah. Everyone there is very gentle and helpful with me when I have questions about Islamis Dietary restrictions. There's SUCH a huge variety of people there. Lifelong Muslimas, converts (or reverts depending on who you talk to), women who cover and women who don’t, Americans and immigrants.

So I’m having it explained to me why Dove soap is not Halal by the store owner and am next to a nice lady in an Abaya and Chador who is horrified by the reasoning behind the Dove Soap problem..as she has been using it for some time. I'll admit to being grossed out as well.

These conversations usually end up including every woman in the store and here are some of my favorite quotes. These are not to diminish the faith and effort these women put into the practice of Islam each day. I just find them funny, and realistic, and definitely am glad to make the connection between us, as I have had thoughts or questions in these directions too:

"Oh dear, I hate to throw that away, it was expensive. Maybe I should just ask for forgiveness and never buy it again?"

"Oh yes, we try to make sure we use something before it winds up in the book. It's not Haram until someone says it is right? I mean remember Kraft cheese."

"Haha! I remember pulling the bacon off of Filet Mignon thinking that was halal." (This one just slayed me. I loved it because it sounds like something I would do.)

About her Hijab, "Are you kidding me? I love this thing. I never have bad hair days anymore."

These women have such an easy view on their faith, they remind you that women in hijab aren't oppressed.

Comments...Kewl!

Super mega thanks for the comments on previous posts Seeker and Nur.

Nur, I'm noticing a similar tendency in "The Fella." I was asked by a Rabbi friend of mine if I ever thought he would raise a hand to me. I laughed and said "I seriously don't think he's ever raised a hand to anyone." His personal sense of serenity and calm is what motivated me to rethink some of my previous ideas on Islam in the first place.

Don't be offended by the Rabbi, It wasn't a rude or offensive question, it was a question of concern and would have been asked no matter the faith or nationality of "the Fella".

It was actually an interesting set of questions I was asked. "Where is he from?" "Is he devout?" "How does he treat women other than you?" "Where did he go to school?" "What happens when you disagree?" "Do you think he would ever raise a hand to you?"

The Rabbi in question lives in Jerusalem, so he asks those questions based on his experiences. At the same time, he knows that his experience is not a universal, so his tones were more of a caring curiousity than anything. I have been far more brutal in my personal inquisition of "The Fella".

I hear "That's culture, not the religion," a lot when I pin the Fella down on religious/political issues. On one hand, I understand where he comes from, he doesn't do these things, he abhors them, he wants peace and love and for people to grow and learn and live together just like it says in the Qu'ran. But people aren't learning and living and growing together. So he sort of winds up sounding like he's washing his hands of the whole mess. When Western Muslims do that...I knwo where it comes from, that sense of powerlessnes...but it ends up being a removal from the problem, instead of working toward a Solution.

Is there even the possibility of a 2-state solution for Israel? Why do Arab nations continue to feed this conflict by deporting and turning away Palestinian refugees, funding suicide bombers, and turning Mickey Mouse into Farfour? The Qu'ran does not dispute or deny that the Jewish people were rescued from Egypt and taken to Israel by Moses under God's guidance. As sacred, and precious as Israel is to any Abrahamic Faith, why can't we come together to find a solution to protect that region instead of destroying it?

Jews are People of the Book as well. And according to the Qu'ran should be treated kindly, their faith and beliefs will not keep them from God.

Ran a series of "Living Checks" last night. Have only confirmed one of my friends is alive. Will go another round again this evening to make sure folks is livin.

Again thanks for reading, and stuff. I sound crazy, I'm sure as I rant my way through my thoughts, trying to put them in order.

I guess I need to make this part clear, since I haven't really.

I'm not doing very well at being Catholic.

There. I admitted it. I can say a rosary, understand a Latin Mass, I've been the to Vatican, and to Fatima. I have had every opportunity to have deeply moving religious experience. And the expectations are just falling a little short. Okay, a lot short. Okay so Basically I'm finding my personal ideaology butting heads with Catholicism a LOT.

What's worse is that the Church has changed so much, so many people have died or moved that I don't recognize it anymore. It's hard going back there. I think I spent half of the Liturgy of the Word crying because the church makes me think so much of Grammie and how much I miss her.

I don't know if I can stay this way.

So I'm doing my homework, trying to understand other faiths and what's going on before making any real move.

I narrowed it down. Judaism is most likely out. It's an awful lot of my life to reject. Granted though, it would make work a lot easier.

Becoming a protestant doesn't really slice my cheesecake either. It feels more like a lateral move, and doesn't really clear up any questions for me.

Islam makes sense, sort of. But what looks good on paper does not look so good in practice. So.. I'm confused. Welcome to my world.

I'm also terrified that this has more to do with the "Fella" than it does with me. And that's something I just couldn't live with. I guess maybe I hope sometimes I'd understand him better that way. But That's not what's going on in my head since I don't understand myself.

In other news. No matter how amicable the divorce, or how friendly things seem on the surface, Ex's still have a gift to be right bastardly toward each other.

This is for Kelley and John...Things I miss.

My mother sent this to me after a run-in with my boss and his dietary restrictions. Funny, yet informative. Kelley should appreciate this immensely.

In other news, I asked politely, even made big sad eyes, but the fella has politely declined having his own Blogpost in my bloggy bits. So any future references I may make in that direction will be appropriately discreet. If you're reading and don't know who I mean, call me and ask me.

Two days in a row...bask in my attentiveness.

So one of my big religious issues right now is the role of women. If you've looked at my stepfather's blog, you can probably tell I was raised pretty liberal, and well, it has to be said for both parents: I've never been told I can't do something because I'm a girl.

Sports shooting is one of my hobbies. Not the most ladylike thing to do, but I enjoy the heck out of it, and I've never been told I can't do it. Well, I was told that once..in Kentuky at a match. One of the guys in my set spouted off that girls can't shoot because they lack upper body strength. After finishing out at an embarassingly better time, I couldn't help but point out that girls can shoot because they lack upper macho ego. That's a lecture for another time though.

The point being, neither of my parents have ever stopped me from doing anything because I'm a girl, and in fact they have mostly defended my right to do it. So when it comes to religion, my understanding of gender roles is a little...odd. I've never been taught that I was any less capable than any man, so I don't think that I am.

So then comes Catholicism. "Man is the head of woman, and God is the head of man." Eve is responsible for original sin, and because of that, all desire, all lust, all vice is born on the shoulders of women. Wow. Tough load to bear. The idea that everything bad men do is because of women kind of turns my stomach. Women are inferior in the eyes of God, and cannot serve him directly as men, though certainly they can devote their chaste lives to Him. Meh. But here's the thing....that's Catholicism on paper. But when you look at countries that have majority Catholic populations, you see something entirely different. Europe, with its progressive views on equality and gender roles is a continent with a LOT of Catholics. Brasil, South America, Central America, are Catholic dominated areas, and yet we don't hear about honor killings from them. That same verse from the new testament I started this paragraph with? Finishes by explaining that God does not hear the prayers of women whose heads are not covered. And while I remember older women at church dropping a lace hankie on their heads, no one covers here anymore.

So why is it so different in Islam? Why is a religion that on paper is progressive sexually, and on a gender basis, the dominant religion of countries who host honor killings, or practice female genital mutilation? Why is a religion that says I am worth as much to God as any man the prime religion in countries that discourage women from learning and working outside the home? And the ever unanswered question: If women are spiritually equal, why can't they lead men in prayer? Why do these cultures believe that the sight or sound of women is enough to drive a man beyond reason..as if men were slathering hormone driven beasts with no further thought on their mind than sex? If a man is pious and good, and is taught early on that women are his peers, wouldn't he be raised able to be in their company without making a pass at one of them?

People say that the culture is different from the religion..to look at the raw teachings. How can I? No one follows them.

More on this later.... Lunch now.

This is Harley, my sweetest snuggliest baby girl. She's sitting in my lap for this shot, which is where she spends much of her time. This is also my first stab at mobile-blogging from my phone, which makes this pretty slick stuff.

Yeah I know, I suck.

Sorry for the long long long time getting back to this. I've been busy as all heck.

Mom and Steve sold the house at the end of May, which meant I had to beat feet and get my pad. I sorta kinda met somebody..in that...sorta kinda way. Hard to define really. He at least merits his own post, which I'll ask him nicely about later and if he says okay, then I'll go into details. Mom and Steve have met him, Shana's talked to him on the phone a couple of times. Dad knows he exists but hasn't met him.

Changed jobs. I'm settled in one of Montgomery's best-known Real Estate management corporations. Pretty happy. I like my boss, even when no one else seems to.

I have a Facebook! Yeah I know, It's no Emo-space. But, I'm trying. Maybe someday I'll sucker up for am Emo space and play Fado on it all day long. Maybe I won't.

Going through a crisis of faith. Moving back to Montgomery meant going back to the church I've always gone to. But things have changed so much, and I realize that a lot of the things I took for granted as a kid are not meshing well in my over-analytical mind.

Linked up Steve's blog there, not that people read this blog much, his is much prettier though and the stories are funnier..well except about Angel.

You know how I was talking about direction? I'm thinking maybe I'll just vent my religious rantings here as I study other faiths and kind of get an idea of which one is right for me. For the record, most Protestant faiths are right out. Some things are just too ingrained in me as a Catholic to give in to. And besides, my faith issues aren't so much about keeping my belief structure and just changing the way I go about it. That's just trading baseball teams. It doesn't mean I'll win. I'm going through my Bo Jackson/ Michael Jordan phase of religion...I'm looking at all sorts of different things to get some ideas of where my faith is and where I might best fit in.

And that about should catch you up. I'll try to get pictures put up soon.