I hate this feeling

I'm kind of on pins and needles. There are some big career type decisions forthcoming, And I'm not really making them. So I have that rolling feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me crave coffee and dodge food. I'll have it until I know for sure what's going on.

Makes me wonder sometimes if I would be happier with my life if I didn't know the things I know. If I just kind of drifted along... Not really..because it's the not knowing that drives me batty.

So I get a phone call last night from the nice folks at Islamicity.com. Having requested a Qu'ran from them (I am apparently collecting different translations), they like to follow up with a phone to see if you will say your Shahadah over the phone. On some level I appreciate the work they do, I know they're trying to make Islam accessible and understandable for people. On another level, if I ever do take the Shahada, I don't think I'll do it over the phone. Conversion or, according to Ahmed of Islamicity, reversion, seems like, I don't know, maybe something that should at least be done in person, if not with some degree of ritual. Maybe that's my Catholic ritualistic sensibilities talking.

So Ahmed calls, interrupting my dinner of re-heated pizza and Mythbusters, and we end up on the phone for hours. I know they give these nice people scripts, and I get some sort of private thrill out of making them break out of their script. I mean seriously, if you want to talk about something as personal as religion with me, I need to know who you are. Ahmed is from Sudan, attended UAB for his MBA and lives in LA now where he can't find a decent apartment for a decent price and misses the lower cost of living in Alabama, but woud not give up the larger community he is a part of now.

See? That's what I do. I make it personal. I love learning about people and talking to them and sharing a little bit of life and connecting. I do it at work, and the people who call my boss frequently know me by name, and I know their wives, families, the things that are going on in their lives, and I keep it all straight. I know who has grandchildren and who has children getting married and who is stressed out by work and whose kids are driving them crazy. I know these things because I ask, politely always, but people do like to talk a little and know that someone is genuinely interested in them. And I am. They call it being personable.

So Ahmed decides last night that even though I didn't take the Shahadah over the phone, in his eyes, I am "Unofficially Muslim." And he said my Arabic, while limited, is beautiful. I don't know how the fella feels about this yet, he's been a little reserved on the topic. Mostly because I know he's trying to let me find my own way. Sometimes because I think my questions are getting too hard for him now.