I guess I need to make this part clear, since I haven't really.

I'm not doing very well at being Catholic.

There. I admitted it. I can say a rosary, understand a Latin Mass, I've been the to Vatican, and to Fatima. I have had every opportunity to have deeply moving religious experience. And the expectations are just falling a little short. Okay, a lot short. Okay so Basically I'm finding my personal ideaology butting heads with Catholicism a LOT.

What's worse is that the Church has changed so much, so many people have died or moved that I don't recognize it anymore. It's hard going back there. I think I spent half of the Liturgy of the Word crying because the church makes me think so much of Grammie and how much I miss her.

I don't know if I can stay this way.

So I'm doing my homework, trying to understand other faiths and what's going on before making any real move.

I narrowed it down. Judaism is most likely out. It's an awful lot of my life to reject. Granted though, it would make work a lot easier.

Becoming a protestant doesn't really slice my cheesecake either. It feels more like a lateral move, and doesn't really clear up any questions for me.

Islam makes sense, sort of. But what looks good on paper does not look so good in practice. So.. I'm confused. Welcome to my world.

I'm also terrified that this has more to do with the "Fella" than it does with me. And that's something I just couldn't live with. I guess maybe I hope sometimes I'd understand him better that way. But That's not what's going on in my head since I don't understand myself.

In other news. No matter how amicable the divorce, or how friendly things seem on the surface, Ex's still have a gift to be right bastardly toward each other.